It’s typically understood that couples who are getting married should get premarital work done, but do you know that you can also do preventative work after you’ve been married? Instead of waiting until a major problem arises, married couples can do enrichment work, especially if they haven’t done sufficient pre-marital work, or it’s just been a while since they have. Are you wondering whether premarital and marital enrichment therapy makes sense for you? Here are some research-backed reasons why you should consider supporting your relationship in this way.
- Prevention is far more effective than crisis repair
Contrary to popular belief, relationship therapy isn’t just about sitting on a couch and talking about what you’re feeling or what’s been going on. Effective relationship work includes equipping both persons to better identify and resolve issues in their relationship. John and Julie Gottman, two of the main pioneers of relationship therapy, found that prevention workshops where couples work on the relationship before conflict takes its toll are “three times more effective” than workshops for already-troubled couples. This strongly commends premarital or early-stage counseling as a proactive step rather than a last resort - It helps couples build “maps” of each other that protect the relationship in hard seasons
Couples who know each other deeply are better able to cope with stress and conflict, including major transitions like the birth of a child. Often, the dating/courting phase of a relationship is marked by heightened feelings of attraction and euphoria, so much so that couples often miss things. Additionally, you may not always know the right questions to ask or what exactly to look for to effectively build love maps that work well. Premarital and marital counseling intentionally helps couples build those maps. - Couples learn how to fight in a way that doesn’t destroy the marriage
A healthy marriage isn’t marked by the absence of disagreements; this is inevitable when two different people try to work as team, it’s marked by how well you fight. John Gottman emphasizes that the key to “divorce-proofing” a relationship is not just how you handle disagreements, but how you engage when you’re not fighting, through friendship, positivity, and repair. Therapy teaches skills like repair attempts, which lower emotional flooding and can literally save marriages. - Couples address dangerous trajectories early (before affairs or bitterness)
In marriage problems that go unaddressed, “send the couple on a trajectory to divorce” and often push one partner to seek connection outside the marriage. Premarital and marital therapy help surface these patterns while they’re still small. As such, couples in courtship are urged to seek outside help and good premarital counseling when they encounter issues. - Couples learn to meet each other’s (different) relational needs
Stieglitz author of the book Marital Intelligence stresses that men and women often enter marriage with different relational needs. Without guidance, marriage “can be a disaster,” but when both are willing to learn to meet those needs, it becomes “a source of endless delight and refreshment”. Marriage, understood as a covenant of meeting needs, pursuing, and pleasing each other, is strengthened when therapy teaches how to do that practically. - Couples learn to shift from blaming each other to taking responsibility
Effective marriage counseling focuses on what each person can control, pushing partners away from “external control” according to William Glasser and blaming, which is always destructive to the marriage. In counseling, you’re often asked what you can do this week to help your marriage, which promotes real change. - It focuses on the present and practical, through goal-directed work
Relationships counselling, whether premarital or marital, tends to be very focused on what it’s aiming to achieve. As such it emphasizes what clients can do now to improve the present relationship, rather than dwelling on the past. Given that extended, open-ended marriage counseling often isn’t affordable or even helpful for many couples, goal-directed, focused work is both practical and impactful if couples commit to the process. - Helps couples build positivity and friendship that buffer future storms
Couples whose marriages thrive tend to have a fundamentally positive view of each other, which serves as a powerful buffer when bad times hit. Therapy often includes exercises that cultivate appreciation, praise, and attention, important factors that can dwindle over time as couples get bogged down by life’s responsibilities and the lull of familiarity. - The therapeutic approach to marriage can be aligned with couples faith and community values
At Enrich Connect Counselling Services, we acknowledge and function with the Christian understanding that marriage is a covenant before God, lived in the context of the body of Christ and family/community support. Seeking premarital and marital counseling is one way of honoring that covenant, as you invite wise, third-party help you identify potential issues rather than presume you should handle everything alone.
